Random Thoughts

My wound care nurse just walked out the door, whist she walks in, my home health aid is preparing to leave. It is 11:30, all this began at 9am. A few months ago I could take a shower, address medical concerns, be dressed and out the house in 30 minutes.Why do I have to have strangers taking care of my most personal needs? My house is in such disarray with material, sewing machines, computers, and crafts supplies. The disarray is driving me nuts but i am at the mercy of it all until I can remain standing upright, bend, lift and organize. In a few months, I will go back into remission and the desperation, fear and utter abandonment that I feel right now will fade but that time feels so out of grasp. How did I go from the person providing support to the one needing it. I jump between the both. I cannot physically provide physical support but I watch my fellow congregants via facebook and email and I am there for them spiritually. Providing encouragement and remaining edifying. I wait for the same but it does not happen. The Word sais judge not lest ye be judged. I try to be a doer of the Word so I will not judge. We are instructed to do a thing without expectation of reward. I do as the spirit tells me and I will continue to. The condition of our spiritual hearts needs to stay pure.  I feel so alone. I know the Word sais that we are never alone but as far as my physical eyes can see, it is just me. I have learned that as my physical health deteriorates, my character,  reverence increases and my love for the Word strengthens.